I’ve always been prone to seasonal depression and so, as if on cue, I have been going through a rough time these past couple of weeks (which totally coincides with a sharp drop in outside temperatures).
While everything seems to be fine on the outside and things are solid, I can’t shake off the feeling of being overwhelmed, sad, anxious, uncertain. Depression seems to always come out of nowhere, without a warning or a particular trigger.
On days like these I’d rather just stay in bed, forget about all the million things I need to do that day and just sleep. Come to think of it, this doesn’t sound like depression as much as simply exhaustion. And it’s not surprising at all considering that like most women out there I’m juggling career, family, home and everything else that comes along.
And I’m exhausted. And stressed-out to the bone.
On Exhaustion, Self-Doubt and Being in a Hole
The isolation of being a stay-at-home-mom, the stress of raising 3 kinds under 7, the pressure of running a business and just the sheer amount of responsibilities I have are often enough to make me feel miserable from time to time. But his time of a year is especially hard.
It always is easier when the weather outside is not conspiring against you, when kids are out of the house and the sun is shinning. It’s definitely easier then to handle every day and take it for what it is: a blessing, a chance, a gift. I certainly have a much easier time focusing on the good things in life when life itself seems more energized, vibrant and happy.
Come winter and I lose my energy and focus quickly. Motivation, passion and will to go on seem to slowly disappear.
//
November was a particularly busy month for my business and quite often I felt overwhelmed with my work and other things that were put on my plate.
Fueled by a lot of self-doubt for no understandable reason I’m ready to raise my white flag and just give up. Too exhausted to fight any longer, I want to run away and hide.
I’m in a hole and it’s cold and dark here. I’m lonely and too tired to get up so I’m just going to lay here for a while. I might cry and I might get worse before I get better but I’m going to just wait it out. I just need a little break and hide where no one and nothing can touch me.
“Everyone falls into the hole from time to time. Some people fall deeper than others, and some people take longer to claw their way out than others, but we all fall into the hole.” ~ Nicole
My name is Joanna Ciolek and I'm a social media junkie, family gal (mom to three boys), passionate web designer, photographer, techie, wine and sushi lover.
4 Comments
I have a really hard time, like you and many others, when the weather changes as well. I think it might hit those of us of mostly work from home harder – not entirely sure why, it has been proven that exposure to brighter lights help. You are not at all alone feeling the way you do. You know it will past and that helps make it go away faster but I’ve also realized that I must spend extra time being positive, grateful and thinking on a bright future when I get in those moods. It is very effective and really helps me. I might have to do it 10-20 times in the course of a day…every time the feelings, thoughts and emotions I don’t want start creeping in. I also don’t push myself as hard and take more time to do other things…like last night I watched Bridesmaid. Pop some comedies into your DVD player
I do that as well. Giving yourself a break and lowering expectations to something more manageable helps too, as in “I’m not expected to save the world today, just do the best I can”. I also started “Finding Grace In Every Day” theme here to sort of force myself to not only catch these moments I’m grateful for but write them down to reinforce the feeling of appreciating things for what they are.
This time of year makes one feel as tho you are a hamster in a wheel … with a stop the world i want to get off mentality …
hang in there, day by day, step by step xxx
Thanks, Nicole! Love your blog, btw. I don’t know how you do it!